The Oxymoron of Pain

We don't like to talk or think about hard times. It does not matter the term, "hard times" may include, we just don't like discussing. Why? It seems that people would want to discuss their problems, ask for advice, and receive comfort and honest input.  Although the previous scenario is seemingly logical, one must dissect the content of these “hard times”: depression, financial trouble, physical or mental illness. Some troubles in life are like nicks and scratches, but damage of this caliber is like a bullet to the back. Think about it this way: would a seriously wounded man want to tell his doctor about the entire detailed sequence of his shooting? No, instead he would want to be cared for, not be badgered by an inquisitive physician. During these scenarios, when people are shot down by hard times, they are vulnerable. Hurting, they don’t even know how to move on, or if they even want to move on. Unfortunately, the people who love these wounded, want to help, they want to heal. Often, they don’t comprehend the suffering, so, like a hasty nurse, they handle the wound too roughly, and the patient flinches, afraid to trust. People attempt to be comforting, all the while, saying things like “It’s ok”, “Don’t worry”, “It’s not a big deal”, “Cheer up! You don’t need to be sad”. They mean well, but it feels mean.

                Once, a friend jokingly informed me that people think about the person or thing which they hold dearest in the split second before their death. I laughed at the time, but the more I thought about the statement, its credibility grew. We all know that when things get tough, we fall back on those things which we hold dear (i.e. family, close friends, religion).  Why wouldn’t we think about the dearest thing when the most horrible event occurs? All to say, this is our opportunity to help those who are hurting. They are in a painfully vulnerable; therefore sensitivity is required. (Openness and trust come slowly, and cannot be forced.)  Inquiry and analyzing is hurtful, but a smile, a hand to hold, and an encouraging word are needed. Emily Dickinson said it best: “Saying nothing...sometimes says the most.” The easiest circumstances to encourage are in times of mutual hurt—often times one person opening up and discussing their pain, creates a comfortable environment for trust.  Proffer your own information, asking for advice and help, breaking down any walls of pride or hostility. People are proud; often afraid of what other people will say if they share their “dark” secrets, because, in their wounded state, they feel that no one could possibly be as sad, sinful, or hurt.  “No one could ever be in this place.” “No one will understand.” The list goes on, while these emotional walls create complications.

                Sophocles once remarked, “There is no success without hardship.” This leads us to my point: the oxymoron of pain. I mean, in short, that pain (and hardship) is avoided, dreaded, and shied away from. Although we should not make foolish decisions or purposefully cause pain to others, pain and suffering should be embraced. It is the foundation of our lives, it teaches us how to live and love. It gives us a new perspective for life, a new hunger for beauty, and a golden sense of wisdom. Throughout hardship, it will be apparent what and who are truly important, who will stick, and who (even when anxiety, poverty, and sickness sets in) is cheerful. This, my dear reader, is the oxymoron of pain: a path of hurt that leads to joy.